Chicken Coconut Curry

(Yada, yada, yada. Lame excuse as to why it has been months since the last post).

I'm sure the feminists out there will complain that what I'm about to say will set us back 90 years, but here goes nothing. I feel like less of a woman when I come home and Josh cooks dinner for me every night. While I WANT to make dinner, there is something about cooking that causes me so much anxiety because I want everything to be perfect, delicious, beautiful, flavorful, delectable, etc. etc. etc. It doesn't help that Josh gets home mid-afternoon and has something prepared before I get home at 6:00. Regardless, it pains me that I can't just come home and cook a fabulous meal for my husband.

So tonight is different. Tonight, I'm the model housewife.

When I began dating Josh, I put up a front like I could actually be that 1950's housewife. One night, he drove up to my apartment in Madison, and I made the most perfect, delicious, beautiful, flavorful, delectable coconut curry that you could imagine. Enamored, he told me I was a wonderful cook, and the rest is history.

This afternoon, I noticed that when my now husband went on his weekly grocery trip, he had so conveniently picked up all of the ingredients for this dish I haven't cooked in OVER A YEAR (the courting is over. He's stuck with me now, so I resort to a lot of macaroni and take-out). Besides forgetting the fresh basil, he's short one jalapeno.

Oh. Curry. Right. I can do that. Especially because he had a septoplasty on Thursday, and I'm feeling a little terrible that all I've actually cooked for him since he's been laid up is (you guessed it) macaroni. So I present to you, the Better Homes and Gardens Basil Chicken in Coconut-Curry recipe... revised.

Basil Chicken in Coconut-Curry Sauce:

• 2 teaspoons curry powder
• 1/2 teaspoon cracked black pepper  
• 1/2 teaspoon salt  
• 1/4 teaspoon chili powder  
• 4 skinless, boneless chicken breast halves  
• 1 tablespoon olive oil  
• 1/2 large red onion, cut into thin wedges (1 cup)  
• 2 fresh jalapeno chile peppers, seeded and finely chopped  
• 5 cloves garlic, minced (I usually do about 3)
• 1 13 1/2 - 14 ounce can unsweetened coconut milk
• 1 tablespoon cornstarch
• 3 tablespoons snipped fresh basil 
• 1 teaspoon grated fresh ginger  
• 3 cups hot cooked rice
• 1 frilly apron
• 1 pair of sexy 4.5-inch high heels that you want to break in for an upcoming wedding
• 1 entire bottle of Korbel champagne. 

Directions

1. Don frilly apron and sexy pair of high heels. Check reflection out in the glass door to your porch. Acknowledge that sexy high heels increase your overall sexiness.
1. A. When husband gives you stupid look and asks why you've put on sexy high heels, start to fake cry and ask why he doesn't find you sexy anymore. Follow step 1. A. if you want your dish to taste twice as awful as it normally would without that fresh basil and second jalapeno. I usually skip this step.
2. Pour self a heaping glass of champagne. Your cup runneth over. Advantages to not skipping step 2 (disadvantages will be noted later):
• If you are anything like me, you will have a slight allergic reaction to the 12% alcohol content of the champagne, turning your cheeks a nice blushing pink.  
• Your sexy high heels will become far less painful by the time you reach step 5.
3. In a medium bowl combine curry powder, black pepper, 1/4 teaspoon of the salt, and the chili powder. Cut chicken into 1-inch pieces. Add to spice mixture in bowl; toss to coat. Cover and chill for 1 to 2 hours to allow spices to penetrate meat (ha).
4. Pour oil into a wok or large nonstick skillet; heat over medium-high heat (I usually hang out around level 5). Add onion, jalapeno peppers (pepperS? I only have one peppeR. Improvise with extra onion), and garlic to wok; cook and stir about 8 minutes or until crisp-tender. Inevitably burn garlic, because you do this EVERY TIME.
5. Pour more champagne. You've likely finished your first glass. Acknowledge that this makes you a lush. Embrace it and move onto step 6.
6. Remove onion mixture from wok. Add half of the chicken to wok. Cook and stir for 4 to 6 minutes or until chicken is no longer pink. Remove from wok. Repeat with remaining chicken.
7. Stir together coconut milk, cornstarch, and remaining 1/4 teaspoon salt until smooth. Carefully add to wok. Cook and stir until slightly thickened and bubbly. 
8. Pour. More. Champagne...and jot down notes for your blog. From kitchen island, watch coconut milk mixture burn. Attempt to care more. When you reach boiling or sudden sense of urgency, trip over cat and spill champagne all over your favorite cook book. Mop up champagne and attempt to read the remainder of the curry recipe (here's where that advantage to skipping step 2 comes in. If you suck at making the curry, look on the bright side: Viola, you've just created a champagne-soaked cook book. Bellisimo).
9. Return chicken and the onion mixture to wok. Stir in basil and ginger. If your husband has forgotten fresh basil, use 1 tablespoon of dried basil because the spice jar says it is equivalent (it's not). Cook and stir about 2 minutes or until heated through. Serve over hot rice. 
10. Light centerpiece (yes, the same one you used for your wedding centerpieces), and throw a straw in a bottle of Fat Squirrel for your husband, who shouldn't really even be chewing (or drinking alcohol while taking hydrocodone). Give him a masculine-colored straw if you feel so inclined, because let's face it, he's drinking beer from a straw. You are killin' in at setting the mood.
11. Walk to the stairs in 4.5 inch high heels and call up husband, whom you've imprisoned in the basement because cooking "stresses you out," and tell him that dinner is served (as sexily as possible). 
12. Sit down for dinner. Take off ridiculous heels beneath the table. Ouch.
13. Get husband to acknowledge the fact that the curry looks and tastes different than it normally does is, in fact, his fault because he forgot the second jalapeno and the fresh basil. Seriously. That's why.
14. Enjoy.

There it is. Coconut Curry Chicken. Sure to woo the man of your fancy every time. And if you prefer the real recipe, check it out here. It is seriously delicious when prepared by a competent person.